Was there a time where you felt that loving someone is so tiring? You felt it had to take so much effort and pains to send your love across, and the agony after all those efforts is, the intended recipient did not even feel that was love?
Did you feel you had to lose yourself or there were so much to compromise and shortchange yourself on while you give love to someone? Do you really think loving someone has to be in that manner? How long can that love of yours sustain?
When one fear losing love, acceptance, approval, attention, security, or support, he/she tends to do all it takes in hope to trade for them. It could also happen in a situation where you really want nothing else but to provide the best for that someone. Then when it doesn’t happen the way you wanted it, i.e. you do not receive the love, acceptance, reciprocation, appreciation etc… you start to feel painful, angry, miserable or perhaps resentment.
Are you giving so much of yourself that you become depleted mentally, financially, emotionally, and energetically. Do you wish you could love others without compromising and short changing so much of self? If during the process of your love-giving, you delved for peace, health, happiness, and fulfillment, then your soul is probably dying to call you home.
Go, go back home to find yourself, know what you want and need, let it be known, set your boundary, understand yourself and let others understand you, and your intention. Love yourself first so you know what being loved is like before you give love again. Create a “win-win” situation between yourself and the recipient and, enjoy the course of love.
Some general pointers you can take with you as you take on a new journey with yourself :
1) You can’t help someone who is not responsible to help him/herself.
– To help the people who lack the responsibility to do so, is to give them space and time. Give them a topic to ponder about and let it sit on them for some time before talking about it again. Your patience is also a way of love.
2) Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to fix all their problems.
– If you truly love this person, you have to help them draw their own resources to help him/herself and not keep providing for them. Grow together with them as you exit the crisis and build an even stronger bond. Bear in mind that we get into a situation because there is a need for us to learn some spiritual or life lessons.
3) Accept them as they are.
– Highlight the areas of improvement without sounding like you want to change them. No one is born evil or born to hurt you. Let them know your understanding of their intentions, behaviours and reactions, ask for affirmation if you have understood it correctly then work it out from there.
4) Stop feeling guilty or sad for the little tantrums they throw at you.
– If you have done something wrong, apologise and be sincere in not repeating them. If you think you weren’t at fault, then they need to understand why you did what you did and at the same time you also need to know why they reacted the way they did.
5) Communicate clearly.
Send loving, compassionate intention and not bluntly state what’s on your mind assertively. Nobody can feel love with the latter even if it means love to you.
6) Don’t be attached to the vision of the desired outcome of your love.
– Let go of the attachment to your own ego and your own vision of how the other person will reciprocate. Balance it with the thought of positive giving without compromising self and not be too possessive over it.
Have an enjoyable journey as you renew your love and your self!